I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
