U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
