He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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