Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
