why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
