hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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