Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
