Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
