we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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