Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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