I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
