There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
