I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
