i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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