I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
