Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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