I am in a vortex of obligation.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
