are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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