As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize