my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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