smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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