i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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