im drinking this country out of the recession.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
These tits shall not be calmed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
