He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
