Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
