I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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