so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
