i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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