Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
