i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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