my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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