Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line