I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.