Texts From Last Night

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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad

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  (308): I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad http://tfl.nu/3y6v
  Replies (101) Good night (3758) Bad night (66474) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"

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  (202): based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat" http://tfl.nu/tv5w
  Replies (21) Good night (573) Bad night (2756) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  my room smells like sperm. sweet.

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  (714): my room smells like sperm. sweet. http://tfl.nu/th94
  Replies (14) Good night (873) Bad night (2465) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?

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  (630): Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league? http://tfl.nu/urmj
  Replies (15) Good night (2707) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..

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  (740): I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep.. http://tfl.nu/e7l5
  Replies (39) Good night (8032) Bad night (669)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...

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  (717): If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one... http://tfl.nu/slb8
  Replies (23) Good night (5779) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.

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  (908): All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me. http://tfl.nu/8azw
  Replies (16) Good night (713) Bad night (3377) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.

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  (401): I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy. http://tfl.nu/4ar4
  Replies (38) Good night (5765) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.

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  (810): GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK. http://tfl.nu/7sxv
  Replies (9) Good night (6514) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted

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  (847): I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted http://tfl.nu/5rf7
  Replies (6) Good night (2425) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.

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  (732): thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air. http://tfl.nu/4jlr
  Replies (3) Good night (1658) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!

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  (+44): Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome! http://tfl.nu/jhr8
  Replies (2) Good night (1848) Bad night (335)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.

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  (207): Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk. http://tfl.nu/4vbt
  Replies (4) Good night (1573) Bad night (401)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober

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  (443): You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober http://tfl.nu/5fbb
  Replies (4) Good night (856) Bad night (252) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.

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  (828): Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart. http://tfl.nu/7jwu
  Replies (2) Good night (620) Bad night (171) Order T-Shirt

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