I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
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She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
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it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.