Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dating After Heartbreak
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.