i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?