i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
