Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
