life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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