Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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