We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
