I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
