As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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