my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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