after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
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My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
40s are totally the cure
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
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I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Enjoy the penises
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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