im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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