so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
