I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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