when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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