Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
