Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
