i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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