At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
