Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
