I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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