I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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