U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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