the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
