i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
