That's intense
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
