...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize