I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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